Helping people with personal growth through life coaching

Where’s the magical feeling of Christmas?

celebrate holiday magical Dec 23, 2021

It’s two days away, and I’m having a hard time tapping into the spirit. Maybe watching Christmas movies might help; I made sure my decorations were up right after Thanksgiving, hoping. The Christmas sleigh has a fresh floral arrangement with lights this year to look at, and I even bought candles, smelly ones with balsam fir scent to trigger the feeling. Nope. 

Then I spent time with my great-niece today, four years old. I bought a gingerbread man decoration for us to do and would you know my sister got the same one. The Christmas music was on, and we were singing and gluing the gingerbread man to life. My sister and I planned the dinner and deserts for Christmas day. The feeling started to root inside me. 

It’s been a rough six months on top of a pandemic for the last 21 months. So many changes are happening for me, and quite frankly, I’ve been thrown for a loop. Letting go is one of the hardest things in life to do. The building I’m living and working in has been sold, and the rent has significantly increased. Maintaining a massage practice in a pandemic has been extraordinarily stressful, plus starting a new business in Life Coaching is no picnic either. Don’t get me wrong; these are exciting times but challenging. Somedays, my bandwidth has incredible energy, and other days not so much. 

Why am I sharing this story? 

I wanted to be honest. Life gets hard—times get tough. I needed to be alone to process and feel whatever was required. I got angry, sad, happy, and felt grateful. I watched myself run the gambit with my emotions. Socializing when I could and with people who would nourish me and not take. Help fill my cup back up. Am I there yet? No, but I’m on my way. 

Here’s my plan for this holiday season. 

  • Make sure to do events/activities that bring a smile to my face,
  • When it all becomes too much, take a step back and re-evaluate. Is this making me smile? 
  • It’s ok to spend time alone, and it’s ok to enjoy others, find my balance and harmony. 
  • Remember, the magical feeling that happens at the moment is just that magical. Before you know it, more will come to be treasured.  

I hope that sharing my feelings and plan for the season might help you find yours. First, define what is important to you to experience. Then make it happen in your way. The holiday spirit comes from within, and sometimes it arrives late and might only be for a magical moment, and that’s ok too. 

Have the happiest holiday season. But, of course, we all celebrate differently and isn’t that the most splendid thing of all. 

 

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                                                     What is Mindset?

Could what you believe about yourself impact your success or failure? According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, Author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, beliefs play a pivotal role in what you want and whether you achieve it.

Dweck has found that it is your mindset that plays a significant role in determining achievement and success. So, what exactly is a mindset?

Mindset Definition:

The established set of attitudes held by someone.

There are two different types of mindset:

People with a fixed mindset believe that these qualities are inborn, fixed, and unchangeable.

Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that these abilities can be developed and strengthened by way of commitment and hard work.

                                           

                                               What Is Your Mindset?

Do you have a fixed or growth mindset? To find out, start by reading the following statements and decide which ones you agree with most:

 

  • People have a certain amount of intelligence, and there isn't any way to change it.
  • No matter who you are, there isn't much you can do to improve your basic abilities and personality.
  • People are capable of changing who they are.
  • You can learn new things and improve your intelligence.
  • People either have particular talents, or they don't. You can't just acquire talent for things like music, writing, art, or athletics.
  • Studying, working hard, and practicing new skills are all ways to develop new talents and abilities.

If you tend to agree with statements 1, 2, and 5, then you probably have a more fixed mindset. If you agree with statements 3, and 4, 6, however, then you probably tend to have a growth mindset.

                                      

                                        Can You Change Your Mindset?

While people with a fixed mindset might not agree, Dweck suggests that people are capable of changing their mindsets. Parents can also take steps to ensure that their children develop growth mindsets, often through praising efforts rather than focusing solely on results.

 

For example, instead of telling a child that he is "so smart," a parent might commend the child for their hard work on a project and describe what they like the most about the child's efforts ("I really like how you chose the colors for that picture!").

 

By focusing on the process rather than the outcome, adults can help kids understand that their efforts, hard work, and dedication can lead to change, learning, and growth both now and in the future.

Remember that your fixed mindset persona was born to protect you and keep you safe, according to Dweck. But it has developed some very limiting ways of doing that. So, educate it in the new growth mindset ways that it can support you: in taking on challenges and sticking to them, bouncing back from failure, and helping and supporting others to grow.

                           

 

I’m a strong believer in therapy, mentoring and coaching both giving and receiving. I remember when I started therapy and/or coaching it was an exciting and scary time. It was the right direction for the next level of self- growth but my fear was speaking to me, big time.

                                                      

                                                        Fixed Mindset       

What happens if I can’t do this? Will I be able to change? What if it doesn’t work?

See where my mind was taking me, not to a good place. FEAR!

                                                       Growth Mindset

I realized that I needed the right mindset for the process to be successful.

I found a cozy comfortable area with journal in hand, relaxed then took a few deep breathes to center myself and asked the question:

What does my FEAR look and feel like when I think about therapy and/or coaching?

Any excuse to stop the process

Lack of money and time

Problem too hard to face

Anxiety residing in my body, shallow breathing, body pains etc.

What would people think?

I would look weak

Embarrassment

Self-doubt

Therapy is for other people!

It’s too hard!

 

 

When I felt overwhelmed in the therapy/coaching process it was an indicator that I was off. I went directly to my list and would see the reason and immediately laugh at myself in a loving way, pause, take deep breaths and then do a reset!

I go to my toolbox of skills and use the ones that resonate with me. Affirmations are my go-to and are hanging on my walls. I give myself a daily pep talk to keep me focused and these are just some of the simple, yet effective tools!

Remember why I was doing therapy or coaching and reflect on how well it was going, even when it was difficult, and be proud of myself for doing the work. Growth Mindset!

Everyone and I mean everyone, needs some sort of help from another, we don’t do life successfully on our own, humans are not built to function in that way.

                            Everyone one of us had a journey to take.

  • It starts by accepting that we have both mindsets.
  • Then we need to learn to recognize what triggers our fixed mindset.

Failures? Criticism? Deadlines? Disagreements?

  • And we come to understand what happens to us when our fixed-mindset “persona” is triggered.
  • Importantly, we can gradually learn to remain in a growth mindset place despite the triggers

 

Coaching is no different!

You’re reading this which means you would like to change an area in your life and need some assistance in doing so, bravo for you! Together we will have a conversation that will take you to new places in your life. Let me help you uncover the mindset needed for this journey.

 

Ann