What writing my first book was like.

achievement celebrate support Oct 21, 2021

You can do hard things!

Sometimes we think we can’t, but we can, one step at a time.

If you don’t know by now, I decided to write a book. Sounds simple? Nope. It is one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. Why is that?

I had to work through my fears first. The negative self-talk, doubt, procrastination, and self-worth issues. Who would have thought writing a book these things needed addressing?

My limiting beliefs that needed checking:

I feel I’m a better speaker than a writer.

It’s easier to do my thing one on one with people in conversation.  

I am exposing myself, which makes me vulnerable to criticism or praise, an uncomfortable feeling either way.

I then asked myself what support was needed to accomplish this goal?

The resources that worked were my Mastermind Business group and Business Coach. I shared all of my concerns with them, and guess what? They had the same ones. Most of us don't realize it, but sometimes someone is confused and has a question or concern that they think might be stupid when in groups or classes. The crazy thing is a lot of the time, everyone in the group or class has the same question or concern you had. My business group was able to be supportive and encouraging to each other throughout this whole process. It was terrific having people helping each other and acknowledging their vulnerabilities.

I made a plan for the twelve weeks it took to write this book. I had a deadline when the book needed to be finished. During these 12 weeks, I  would write every day for a period of time, attend the weekly support group meetings and meet with my Coach. Did it stay on schedule? It did not. Life got in the way. My mindset would go astray and get the best of me; vacation and a health issue sidetracked me.  I would have to use all my tools to get myself back on track. I had to coach myself to get the job done. And I did.

This was an exciting yet challenging time for me. Writing this book took a lot of back and forth with people and many edits, rewording, formatting, and changes along the way. Even though one person can write the book, it takes a team to have a finalized book.

I’m proud of myself. This was my second attempt at writing a book—this time, I persevered and finished it. I, Ann Bell, am now a published author.

If you are on my website right now reading this blog, you should go to the store tab next to this tab and buy my book!

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                                                     What is Mindset?

Could what you believe about yourself impact your success or failure? According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, Author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, beliefs play a pivotal role in what you want and whether you achieve it.

Dweck has found that it is your mindset that plays a significant role in determining achievement and success. So, what exactly is a mindset?

Mindset Definition:

The established set of attitudes held by someone.

There are two different types of mindset:

People with a fixed mindset believe that these qualities are inborn, fixed, and unchangeable.

Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that these abilities can be developed and strengthened by way of commitment and hard work.

                                           

                                               What Is Your Mindset?

Do you have a fixed or growth mindset? To find out, start by reading the following statements and decide which ones you agree with most:

 

  • People have a certain amount of intelligence, and there isn't any way to change it.
  • No matter who you are, there isn't much you can do to improve your basic abilities and personality.
  • People are capable of changing who they are.
  • You can learn new things and improve your intelligence.
  • People either have particular talents, or they don't. You can't just acquire talent for things like music, writing, art, or athletics.
  • Studying, working hard, and practicing new skills are all ways to develop new talents and abilities.

If you tend to agree with statements 1, 2, and 5, then you probably have a more fixed mindset. If you agree with statements 3, and 4, 6, however, then you probably tend to have a growth mindset.

                                      

                                        Can You Change Your Mindset?

While people with a fixed mindset might not agree, Dweck suggests that people are capable of changing their mindsets. Parents can also take steps to ensure that their children develop growth mindsets, often through praising efforts rather than focusing solely on results.

 

For example, instead of telling a child that he is "so smart," a parent might commend the child for their hard work on a project and describe what they like the most about the child's efforts ("I really like how you chose the colors for that picture!").

 

By focusing on the process rather than the outcome, adults can help kids understand that their efforts, hard work, and dedication can lead to change, learning, and growth both now and in the future.

Remember that your fixed mindset persona was born to protect you and keep you safe, according to Dweck. But it has developed some very limiting ways of doing that. So, educate it in the new growth mindset ways that it can support you: in taking on challenges and sticking to them, bouncing back from failure, and helping and supporting others to grow.

                           

 

I’m a strong believer in therapy, mentoring and coaching both giving and receiving. I remember when I started therapy and/or coaching it was an exciting and scary time. It was the right direction for the next level of self- growth but my fear was speaking to me, big time.

                                                      

                                                        Fixed Mindset       

What happens if I can’t do this? Will I be able to change? What if it doesn’t work?

See where my mind was taking me, not to a good place. FEAR!

                                                       Growth Mindset

I realized that I needed the right mindset for the process to be successful.

I found a cozy comfortable area with journal in hand, relaxed then took a few deep breathes to center myself and asked the question:

What does my FEAR look and feel like when I think about therapy and/or coaching?

Any excuse to stop the process

Lack of money and time

Problem too hard to face

Anxiety residing in my body, shallow breathing, body pains etc.

What would people think?

I would look weak

Embarrassment

Self-doubt

Therapy is for other people!

It’s too hard!

 

 

When I felt overwhelmed in the therapy/coaching process it was an indicator that I was off. I went directly to my list and would see the reason and immediately laugh at myself in a loving way, pause, take deep breaths and then do a reset!

I go to my toolbox of skills and use the ones that resonate with me. Affirmations are my go-to and are hanging on my walls. I give myself a daily pep talk to keep me focused and these are just some of the simple, yet effective tools!

Remember why I was doing therapy or coaching and reflect on how well it was going, even when it was difficult, and be proud of myself for doing the work. Growth Mindset!

Everyone and I mean everyone, needs some sort of help from another, we don’t do life successfully on our own, humans are not built to function in that way.

                            Everyone one of us had a journey to take.

  • It starts by accepting that we have both mindsets.
  • Then we need to learn to recognize what triggers our fixed mindset.

Failures? Criticism? Deadlines? Disagreements?

  • And we come to understand what happens to us when our fixed-mindset “persona” is triggered.
  • Importantly, we can gradually learn to remain in a growth mindset place despite the triggers

 

Coaching is no different!

You’re reading this which means you would like to change an area in your life and need some assistance in doing so, bravo for you! Together we will have a conversation that will take you to new places in your life. Let me help you uncover the mindset needed for this journey.

 

Ann