Vegas, Sex, and the Server.

server sexualizewoman vegas voyeur Aug 22, 2022

It was my first time in Las Vegas, as we celebrated birthdays, my niece's 40th and my 61st. Vegas has an energy of its own, and it was fun and fascinating at the same time—lots of gambling, alcohol, shopping, adventures, and sex galore on all different levels.

It was a lot of peopling for me. As a business owner, Covid has kept my circle small for the past two years. I have traveled, but it was to the beach, more outdoorsy. I was often indoors on this trip, but I did manage to spend my day at the pool with adult beverages, which helped me relax, breathe the fresh air, and watch people, one of my favorite past-times. It's the voyeur in me. Hence, I focused on the wait staff and had a delightful conversation with the server.

 

She was a beautiful young woman between 19-21 years old and had a lovely figure. However, I was curious about her feelings about her uniform. She was wearing a bikini, and the bottom was a thong with a sarong wrapped around her, hardly covering her bottom. Now mind you, the runners (people who delivered your food) wore a polo shirts with shorts, and all wore sneakers.

 I politely asked if I could ask her some questions regarding her job.

She said, "Yes."

What did she think of her uniform?

She said: "I like wearing a bikini because I'm in the sun all day and want a tan, but I would prefer a different bottom."

Does she feel self-conscious with her bottom exposed?

She said: "At times."

How do you deal with having your period?

She said: "Ugh. The worst part. The first two days are hard, and you hope the string doesn't pop out, LOL."

Do you have trouble with customers in any way?

She said: "90% of customers are great. Sometimes they can get out of line, but I've learned how to handle them. If not, the support staff here is great. They will handle it."

Did she like working there?

She said: "Yes, in general. The money was good."

We then discussed the need to sexualize the servers. We both had similar views. Sex sells. Present the pretty and sexy person to serve you, and the customers will be happy. That is the simplified version of our conversation.

We discussed the need to sexualize children. For example, we talked about when kids are in dance recitals, and the applied makeup and perfect hairstyles—the clothes for younger girls seem sexier. What is it doing to their self-esteem in the future? I've read that social media harms young girls' self-esteem. They compare, and the comments they receive are lasting. They don't have the brain development to process as adults do, and even a negative comment can sometimes send me into a loop.

 There were no concrete answers. Nevertheless, I found it to be a profound discussion. It was nice to hear a younger woman's viewpoint, and she did thank me for asking.

I get it; I'm in Vegas. But I couldn't help but think would she sell as much if she was in the runner uniform? Possibly. I think it would be an interesting experiment.

And to think this all started by embracing the voyeur within. Have you ever embraced the voyeur within you? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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                                                     What is Mindset?

Could what you believe about yourself impact your success or failure? According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, Author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, beliefs play a pivotal role in what you want and whether you achieve it.

Dweck has found that it is your mindset that plays a significant role in determining achievement and success. So, what exactly is a mindset?

Mindset Definition:

The established set of attitudes held by someone.

There are two different types of mindset:

People with a fixed mindset believe that these qualities are inborn, fixed, and unchangeable.

Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that these abilities can be developed and strengthened by way of commitment and hard work.

                                           

                                               What Is Your Mindset?

Do you have a fixed or growth mindset? To find out, start by reading the following statements and decide which ones you agree with most:

 

  • People have a certain amount of intelligence, and there isn't any way to change it.
  • No matter who you are, there isn't much you can do to improve your basic abilities and personality.
  • People are capable of changing who they are.
  • You can learn new things and improve your intelligence.
  • People either have particular talents, or they don't. You can't just acquire talent for things like music, writing, art, or athletics.
  • Studying, working hard, and practicing new skills are all ways to develop new talents and abilities.

If you tend to agree with statements 1, 2, and 5, then you probably have a more fixed mindset. If you agree with statements 3, and 4, 6, however, then you probably tend to have a growth mindset.

                                      

                                        Can You Change Your Mindset?

While people with a fixed mindset might not agree, Dweck suggests that people are capable of changing their mindsets. Parents can also take steps to ensure that their children develop growth mindsets, often through praising efforts rather than focusing solely on results.

 

For example, instead of telling a child that he is "so smart," a parent might commend the child for their hard work on a project and describe what they like the most about the child's efforts ("I really like how you chose the colors for that picture!").

 

By focusing on the process rather than the outcome, adults can help kids understand that their efforts, hard work, and dedication can lead to change, learning, and growth both now and in the future.

Remember that your fixed mindset persona was born to protect you and keep you safe, according to Dweck. But it has developed some very limiting ways of doing that. So, educate it in the new growth mindset ways that it can support you: in taking on challenges and sticking to them, bouncing back from failure, and helping and supporting others to grow.

                           

 

I’m a strong believer in therapy, mentoring and coaching both giving and receiving. I remember when I started therapy and/or coaching it was an exciting and scary time. It was the right direction for the next level of self- growth but my fear was speaking to me, big time.

                                                      

                                                        Fixed Mindset       

What happens if I can’t do this? Will I be able to change? What if it doesn’t work?

See where my mind was taking me, not to a good place. FEAR!

                                                       Growth Mindset

I realized that I needed the right mindset for the process to be successful.

I found a cozy comfortable area with journal in hand, relaxed then took a few deep breathes to center myself and asked the question:

What does my FEAR look and feel like when I think about therapy and/or coaching?

Any excuse to stop the process

Lack of money and time

Problem too hard to face

Anxiety residing in my body, shallow breathing, body pains etc.

What would people think?

I would look weak

Embarrassment

Self-doubt

Therapy is for other people!

It’s too hard!

 

 

When I felt overwhelmed in the therapy/coaching process it was an indicator that I was off. I went directly to my list and would see the reason and immediately laugh at myself in a loving way, pause, take deep breaths and then do a reset!

I go to my toolbox of skills and use the ones that resonate with me. Affirmations are my go-to and are hanging on my walls. I give myself a daily pep talk to keep me focused and these are just some of the simple, yet effective tools!

Remember why I was doing therapy or coaching and reflect on how well it was going, even when it was difficult, and be proud of myself for doing the work. Growth Mindset!

Everyone and I mean everyone, needs some sort of help from another, we don’t do life successfully on our own, humans are not built to function in that way.

                            Everyone one of us had a journey to take.

  • It starts by accepting that we have both mindsets.
  • Then we need to learn to recognize what triggers our fixed mindset.

Failures? Criticism? Deadlines? Disagreements?

  • And we come to understand what happens to us when our fixed-mindset “persona” is triggered.
  • Importantly, we can gradually learn to remain in a growth mindset place despite the triggers

 

Coaching is no different!

You’re reading this which means you would like to change an area in your life and need some assistance in doing so, bravo for you! Together we will have a conversation that will take you to new places in your life. Let me help you uncover the mindset needed for this journey.

 

Ann