Sex and the City Attachment Styles

One evening searching for something to watch on television, I decided on Sex and the City and started from the beginning. I was surprised to recognize all the different attachment styles with the characters.

 For example, there was Carrie, who I feel is an anxious attachment, and Mr. Big is avoidant, especially at the beginning of their relationship. She was seeking safety and security from him, and he couldn't commit to any of it, which left her frustrated and with excuses for his behavior. He would get close and then have to run away again. In addition, she had difficulty expressing her needs to him, thinking she was too needy. Of course, she wasn't, but he had his barriers because he couldn't allow himself to receive love.

 What if they were both able to express their needs early on?

Possibly she would have asked for him to call daily. It would help her eliminate her insecurities about him and the relationship. She must also do the inside work and not focus so much on him. It would have allowed her to stay busy with her life and decide if this was someone she wanted to continue dating.

Possibly he could have told her when he becomes overwhelmed, he needs time to himself to recoup. However, he will return to the relationship soon. Avoidant types need space and learn how to mesh in the relationship.

Steve, Aiden, and Harry seem more secure in their relationships. This is because they knew what their needs were and stated them.

Aiden was a secure type in relationships and loved Carrie. He wanted to build his future with her; however, she became an avoidant type with Aiden because she was still in love with Mr. Big. In one episode, Carrie mentioned that Aiden was reliable and predictable, and the relationship was somewhat boring. Guess what? You will feel this way when you're not used to being in a secure relationship.

Carrie (anxious) was used to Mr. Big's (avoidant) style. Anxious and avoidant styles seek each other out because it's familiar to them. It's how they were shown to have relationships with their primary caregivers. So when Aiden (secure) came along, Carrie was unbalanced by this style. It was unfamiliar and quite uncomfortable for her to experience.

Let's look at Miranda, she was an avoidant type, and Steve mostly accepted this until his needs were trampled on. However, he knew her, and because he was secure in relationships, he could be patient and guide her in specific ways to help her grow into their relationship, and we watched their evolution. It was hard work for them both, especially Miranda because she was controlling and struggling to accept love.

What's to say about Harry? He puts it all out there, and he loves Charlotte. At first, she was a bit of a snob but eventually could see Harry for himself. She wanted love and fought very hard to have it. You watched her go from an anxious style to a secure style in her relationship with Harry.

Samantha was anxious at times and avoidant. As a result, she struggled to receive love, and it was easier to focus on sex because there was no emotional attachment. However, she eventually experienced love with her young lover, Smith.

Do you know your attachment style? Does any of this resonate with you? If you're seeking answers, please book the "Getting to Know You" call, and let's have a conversation.