O is for ORGASM

orgasms sex talk Apr 06, 2023
erotic talk

In a recent pre-podcast interview, we discussed why men needed Orgasm and its health benefits. It then shifted to women. So why do women want to experience orgasms regularly? 

Firstly, both men and women will receive pleasure from orgasms, relaxation, and stress release. It feels good and gives you a strut in your step. Have you ever noticed after, you can be a bit giggly, happier, and smile more?

And let me clarify Orgasm doesn't need a partner to happen. MASTURBATION is an erotic experience in itself with the same benefits. 

Let me be crystal clear about Orgasm. Because of our cultural beliefs, religion, society, and family, there can be shame around it. There could be trauma, past sexual trauma, body issues, low self-esteem, and self-worth issues around sex—lack of education, fear of pregnancy, intimacy issues, and resentment towards your partner.  

I would like you to reexamine those beliefs and see if they still hold true. Who are you letting roam around in your head and hold you back from having the Big O? Kick them the fuck out and let's get YOUR pleasure on!


Here's why you want to have the Big O!

  • Hormones released by orgasms may have protective effects against cancer and heart disease
  • Oxytocin and other endorphins released during Orgasm have a sedative and relaxing effect.
  • Two studies have found a connection between men who ejaculate regularly and a reduced incidence of prostate cancer.
  • At least one study has found that orgasms can actually relieve migraine headaches and menstrual cramps
  • Improved Brain Function
    • An association has also been found between sexual activity and cognitive function as a person ages. One study showed that maintaining a healthy sex life, including masturbation, can improve cognitive function and well-being.
  • Prevent Aging Skin
    • In a 2009 study into the effect of sexual arousal on the hormones in premenopausal women, the research team found that having an orgasm raises estrogen levels in the body.
  • Increased Intimacy and Trust
    • Oxytocin is a hormone typically released during childbirth and breastfeeding. It plays a large role in a mother's and child's bonding relationship. It is known to boost feelings of love, security, trust, and contentment toward your partner and the people you already care for. Research has discovered that the hormone is also released in high amounts during sexual stimulation and Orgasm.
  • Better Sleep
    • Like oxytocin, endorphins, also released during Orgasm, are associated with relaxation. One of the benefits of releasing these two hormones is getting better sleep, especially if you suffer from stress or anxiety-related insomnia. Prolactin, another hormone that can induce sleep, is typically released post-sex, which may be why many people fall asleep quickly after climaxing. 
  • Increased Chances of Conceiving
    • There is a further benefit that is associated with oxytocin released during Orgasm. Research has indicated that the oxytocin released by women who orgasm after their sexual partners may help to retain the sperm better than if they climax first.
  • Weight Loss
    • Weight loss is not something you might automatically associate with Orgasm. However, in a study published in the European Journal of Obstetrics, Gynecology, and Reproductive Biology, regular sexual activity and vaginal Orgasm led to a smaller waist circumference and a reduction in abdominal fat mass. The reduction in fat mass may also help you improve your cardiovascular health and prevent the development of conditions such as heart disease.
  • Plus, orgasms create a sense of well-being that is like no other!

Physiology of Orgasm by Dr. Ava Cadell, Loveology University, is a Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor with Doctorate in Human Behavior and Human Sexuality.

Stages of the Orgasm

Foreplay: Phase One

  • Most women need to be prepared for sex with some foreplay 
  • Whispering your partner's name in their ear and then kissing them will release pleasure endorphins that flood the brain with feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine
  • Blood flow will increase to the genitals and the body will become sensitive all over 
  • Now they are ready for the next stage of sexual arousal 

Excitement: Phase Two

  • It is said that the body is preparing for intercourse during this stage
  • This stage includes kissing, petting, oral sex, etc.
  • What happens to your body?
    • Increase in heart rate and breathing rate
    • Blood pressure increases
    • Nipples become erect in both men and women
    • Some men and women will develop sex flush

Plateau: Phase Three

  • The third stage of the sexual response cycle
  • Period of sexual excitement before Orgasm
  • Muscles begin to tense more
  • Circulation and heart rate continue to increase
  • Sexual pleasure increases

Orgasmic: Phase Four

  • Orgasm is the finale of the Plateau Phase and the fourth stage of the sexual response cycle
  • Accompanied by rapid cycles of muscle contractions in the lower pelvic muscles, which surround both the anus and the primary sexual organs
  • Both men and women experience exhilarated Sensations

Orgasmic Phases

Orgasmic Phase- Women

  • Uterine and vaginal contractions, sometimes associated with 'squirting, especially during g-spot orgasms
  • Studies suggest that women who orgasm during intercourse have better chances of fertilization

Orgasmic Phase- Men

  • Spontaneous muscle spasms
  • Usually associated with ejaculation
  • The most pleasure during the first and second convulsions
  • Usually 3-10 seconds
  • With age, the amount of semen and duration of Orgasm diminishes.
  • Resolution Phase
  • Muscles begin to relax
  • Blood pressure begins to decline
  • Some men and women can return to the Plateau Phase by continuing stimulation and thus experience multiple orgasms
  • Some may find continued stimulation to be painful
  • Genitals go back to their original sized

What's the secret to better orgasms?

Practice. Practice. Practice.

When you allow yourself to explore your body in different ways, whether intercourse, oral sex, masturbation, sensations with objects such as feathers, hand caresses, vibrators, and whatever else your erotic mind finds appealing. Do that. If you know your pleasure points and what you like, guess what? It's easier to tell or show your partner.

A visit to the gynecologist would be helpful if you're experiencing vaginal dryness or painful sex. It can be as easy as using lubrication and vaginal cream. This is your responsibility, not theirs.

When we start to own our orgasms and communicate to our partners "the how," the level of sexual satisfaction significantly increases for both parties.

I know it's easier said than done. But this is where I can help you sort out some of these issues and move you along on the path toward ecstasy.

Do you like this content? Are we the right fit? Let's get to know each other with a 30 minute chat. 

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