Talk Dirty to Me! Why Adding Erotic Talk to Your Relationship Can Spice Things Up!

dirtytalk erotica mindfuck Jul 15, 2022

Erotic words matter. Using your mouth and tongue to communicate erotically can elevate your sexual experience to new levels. It helps set the mood for sexual intimacy. It’s foreplay that leads to more erotic lovemaking. 

It can make your love life more exciting, creative, and fun. It creates more intimacy and improves communication. And since your most erotic sex organ is your brain, a great mind fuck with erotic talk is a perfect start for trying other things. 

The first step to starting erotic talk is to get rid of some of the pre-conceived notions about it. Things like: 

  • I don’t need it
  • It’s intimidating
  • It’s embarrassing
  • My partner will know how I feel
  • My partner will judge me
  • My partner won’t respect me 

Can you relate to any of them? Which one strikes a chord? Why?  Is it a story you tell yourself to prevent you from trying? 

It will be uncomfortable initially because you’re learning a new skill. The more your practice, the better you’ll get and find ways to be creative. 

Your relationship will have less: 

  • Predictability
  • Anxiety
  • Alienation
  • Frustration

And a lot more playfulness.

 Are you stuck in a rut with your lovemaking? Need variety? Erotic talk is a way to unleash the slut in you.

Think back to a time when someone talked erotically to you. How did it make you feel? 

  • It’s never happened.
  • It wasn’t successful.
  • It freaked me out.
  • It felt offensive.
  • It turned me on.
  • It made me climax.
  • I can’t live without it.

You can use the past as a lesson in what not to do or as a model for going forward if you’re not sure where to go from here with erotic talk, no worries. Virgin talkers are our favorites.

 Reasons to Talk Erotically 

  • Escape reality
  • Resist sexual restraints
  • Express sexual boundaries
  • Change self-concept
  • Influence sexual behavior
  • Increase arousal
  • Orgasm
  • Have fun

 Who would like some of this? Would you like to feel more confident? Help give your partner a delightful surprise? Release the sexy kitten (or whatever you name it) inside of you.

Your mindset is vital to achieving erotic talk. Think about your fantasies and allow yourself to visualize them. If you’re struggling at first, become the person in your fantasy. Put on a new persona. Leave your old self behind. What would this vixen do in order to capture her partner’s attention? What would you want your partner doing to you and you to them? Would it require sex toys? Aphrodisiacs such as certain foods? Set the stage in your mind.

 Erotic Talk Exercises

 If you were granted three wishes for your lover to perform, what would they be?

 “I wish my boyfriend would lick my nipples….”

“I wish my girlfriend would suck my balls….”

 What would you wish for?

 Write down as many names as you can think of for the male and female sexual

organs. Now put them into sentences. 

Whisper your sexy sentences into your lover’s ear while kissing your partner seductively.

 The What

 Vagina: twat, cunt, pussy, hole, pink taco, petals, entrance, lips, softness, wetness, lady garden soul, labyrinth, dick milker, cock gobbler, little princess, sausage wallet

Penis: cock, arrow, baloney, woody, beaver-cleaver, schlong, sausage, pork sword, lap taffy, pecker, dick, dong, prick, bishop, trouser snake, pipe, admiral, jack hammer, love muscle

Testicles: Balls, nuts, bag, basket, eggs, cobblers, goolies, nads, man tonsils,

family jewels, bollocks, knap sack, berries, cojones, stones, marbles, fuzzy dice,

Breasts: Love sacks, milkshakes, pillows, hooters, melons, mounds, girls, twins,

bazoombas, boobies, chi-chis, ta tas, fun bags, jugs, snack trays, titties, grab bags




Beautiful Flower

Sugar Lips

Hot Stuff



Don Juan


Sugar Plum



Doll Face


Dear One

Heart’s Desire

Honey Bun







My Sweet



True Love



Sugar Daddy


Beautiful Flower

Sugar Lips

Hot Stuff



Don Juan


Sugar Plum




What is your body doing, and what are you doing with your body?

pulsating, throbbing, pumping, caressing, tightening, rubbing, holding,

yearning, breathing, moaning, beating, quivering, thrusting, giving,

blowing, massaging, lubing, tying, licking, kissing, playing, sucking,

jiggling, masturbating, fucking, cumming, jizzing, stroking, pulling,

pushing, squeezing, shaking, spinning, wrapping, opening, begging,

unbuttoning, fondling, arching, bending, wrestling, reaching, clawing,

biting, tugging, stretching, grabbing, gyrating, slipping, sliding,

fingering, penetrating, spreading

 Your erotic talk will be even better with the addition of adjectives and adverbs. Both are used to enhance a sentence, and by using adjectives and adverbs you bring depth to your fantasy!


Adjectives and Adverbs

Adjectives: Sexy, hot, milky, soft, smooth, wet, moist, cool, hard, tender, open,

long, wide, sticky, thick, precious, tasty, warm, deep, round, easy, radiant,

pretty, handsome, strong, curvy, delicate, sensitive, raw, dainty, hungry, honest,

squishy, clear, clean, romantic, patient, wild, horny, vivacious


Adverbs: Carefully, beautifully, patiently, superbly, magnificently, wildly,

uncontrollably, feverously, magically, sensuously, dramatically, deeply,

romantically, softly, tenderly, firmly, wonderfully, unexpectedly, spontaneously,

luckily, playfully, erotically, slowly, passionately,


What do you think your partner wants to hear that would really turn them on?


The Formula


Here is a simple formula:


Noun + Adverb + Verb + Adjective +Adjective + Noun + Verb + Adverb.


Ex. My cock wants to hastily dive into your slippery cave.


Ideas to help you start talking erotically:


  • Read erotica to each other
  • Listen to an erotic audio recording together
  • Watch an erotic video together
  • Look at an erotic magazine together
  • Write erotic notes to each other
  • Record an erotic message and leave it on their phone

 Practice talking erotically by describing these scenes in detail. Remember to include the who, what, when, where, why, and how. And be sure to add sensuous imagery and your five senses. Now go play!

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                                                     What is Mindset?

Could what you believe about yourself impact your success or failure? According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, Author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, beliefs play a pivotal role in what you want and whether you achieve it.

Dweck has found that it is your mindset that plays a significant role in determining achievement and success. So, what exactly is a mindset?

Mindset Definition:

The established set of attitudes held by someone.

There are two different types of mindset:

People with a fixed mindset believe that these qualities are inborn, fixed, and unchangeable.

Those with a growth mindset, on the other hand, believe that these abilities can be developed and strengthened by way of commitment and hard work.


                                               What Is Your Mindset?

Do you have a fixed or growth mindset? To find out, start by reading the following statements and decide which ones you agree with most:


  • People have a certain amount of intelligence, and there isn't any way to change it.
  • No matter who you are, there isn't much you can do to improve your basic abilities and personality.
  • People are capable of changing who they are.
  • You can learn new things and improve your intelligence.
  • People either have particular talents, or they don't. You can't just acquire talent for things like music, writing, art, or athletics.
  • Studying, working hard, and practicing new skills are all ways to develop new talents and abilities.

If you tend to agree with statements 1, 2, and 5, then you probably have a more fixed mindset. If you agree with statements 3, and 4, 6, however, then you probably tend to have a growth mindset.


                                        Can You Change Your Mindset?

While people with a fixed mindset might not agree, Dweck suggests that people are capable of changing their mindsets. Parents can also take steps to ensure that their children develop growth mindsets, often through praising efforts rather than focusing solely on results.


For example, instead of telling a child that he is "so smart," a parent might commend the child for their hard work on a project and describe what they like the most about the child's efforts ("I really like how you chose the colors for that picture!").


By focusing on the process rather than the outcome, adults can help kids understand that their efforts, hard work, and dedication can lead to change, learning, and growth both now and in the future.

Remember that your fixed mindset persona was born to protect you and keep you safe, according to Dweck. But it has developed some very limiting ways of doing that. So, educate it in the new growth mindset ways that it can support you: in taking on challenges and sticking to them, bouncing back from failure, and helping and supporting others to grow.



I’m a strong believer in therapy, mentoring and coaching both giving and receiving. I remember when I started therapy and/or coaching it was an exciting and scary time. It was the right direction for the next level of self- growth but my fear was speaking to me, big time.


                                                        Fixed Mindset       

What happens if I can’t do this? Will I be able to change? What if it doesn’t work?

See where my mind was taking me, not to a good place. FEAR!

                                                       Growth Mindset

I realized that I needed the right mindset for the process to be successful.

I found a cozy comfortable area with journal in hand, relaxed then took a few deep breathes to center myself and asked the question:

What does my FEAR look and feel like when I think about therapy and/or coaching?

Any excuse to stop the process

Lack of money and time

Problem too hard to face

Anxiety residing in my body, shallow breathing, body pains etc.

What would people think?

I would look weak



Therapy is for other people!

It’s too hard!



When I felt overwhelmed in the therapy/coaching process it was an indicator that I was off. I went directly to my list and would see the reason and immediately laugh at myself in a loving way, pause, take deep breaths and then do a reset!

I go to my toolbox of skills and use the ones that resonate with me. Affirmations are my go-to and are hanging on my walls. I give myself a daily pep talk to keep me focused and these are just some of the simple, yet effective tools!

Remember why I was doing therapy or coaching and reflect on how well it was going, even when it was difficult, and be proud of myself for doing the work. Growth Mindset!

Everyone and I mean everyone, needs some sort of help from another, we don’t do life successfully on our own, humans are not built to function in that way.

                            Everyone one of us had a journey to take.

  • It starts by accepting that we have both mindsets.
  • Then we need to learn to recognize what triggers our fixed mindset.

Failures? Criticism? Deadlines? Disagreements?

  • And we come to understand what happens to us when our fixed-mindset “persona” is triggered.
  • Importantly, we can gradually learn to remain in a growth mindset place despite the triggers


Coaching is no different!

You’re reading this which means you would like to change an area in your life and need some assistance in doing so, bravo for you! Together we will have a conversation that will take you to new places in your life. Let me help you uncover the mindset needed for this journey.