Holiday Traditions and Rituals

Dec 05, 2022

Tis the season upon us. People are either excited about them or dread them. Where do you stand?

I embraced them and learned how to make my holiday season the best for me. Every family has its own dysfunction or drama, and it seems the holidays will bring out the best or worst in families. So it would be best to decide how you want it to go. 

Make your own traditions and rituals.

I often hear from clients that other families are having the best holidays, and I'm all alone, or my family is a bunch of bah humbugs. But first, take a closer look. Is that true? How has the behind-the-scenes been for them? Were the shopping and preparing done in fun or with angst or joy? Please step back and observe them with neutral eyes; you might see something different. Sometimes there are high expectations on how the holidays must look from one partner's perspective and the other not so much. It can potentially cause conflict, so it's crucial to ask each other these questions before the occasion occurs.

How do we want to spend our holidays and with whom?

What's the plan if we need to leave for any reason?

How long will we stay?

Who's driving if there is alcohol served?

Do the children need time to play at home with their toys?

How will we handle statements made to us that are considered hurtful?

 

 Have the conversation ahead of time, so you're both on the same page.

The holidays can be depressing for many, primarily if you are single and alone. When I was married, there were traditions we had as a couple. However, it was hell after my husband's death, and I was lost for many years when it came to holidays. I knew I was healing when I was looking forward to them.

How would they look?

I tapped into the feeling of Christmas I felt as a child and then physically created it around me. I had a tree initially but found it too much work for one person, so I found other decorations that represented the feeling. It has evolved over the years as I listen to my inner child's guidance, and so has my Christmas and every other ritual and tradition I create. It's not just the holidays; it's all days, birthdays, anniversaries, death anniversaries, and other essential days you deem important.

 

Boundaries

What are yours? Do you even have them? How do you enforce them?

 

Boundaries are for you, not other people. These are your limits on how you treat yourself, and others treat you.

When you begin the journey, your boundaries can be nonexistent, and you might feel like a doormat. That's a good indicator that something needs to change. When you are with others, how do you feel around them?

Comfortable? Uneasy? Loved? Feeling Disrespected? Is your body giving you signs? Tightness? Muscle pain? Shallow breathing? Tingling? Face flushed or feeling hot? Dread?

Pay attention and become the observer because the body speaks the loudest. What is going on at the time your noticing all these signs? Who is around you? What's the conversation intensity? Can you change the subject? That's always an excellent way to keep it calm around others. For example, if politics and religion are hot topics, don't discuss them on holiday and change the subject or leave the room.

Alcohol can play a part in it, and if you're hosting, have a non-alcohol event if the family tends to escalate when it's around. If people get unruly and refuse to adhere to your rules, then ask them to leave, or if you're a guest and uncomfortable, you go.

Here's a conversation changer: Did you know the Macy's Thanksgiving parade in the 1920s had animals in the parade, not balloons? How about those (insert your favorite sports team) doing? Ask people how they are doing. Let them talk about their accomplishments and ask them to share. Most love to chat about themselves. So please give them the opportunity. People are who they are, so it's best to guide the day to be as peaceful as possible. But, of course, healthy conflict and debate are always welcome.

Any diversion from hot topics is the key to a blissful day.

 And my final thought... 

It's perfectly ok to be sad and not want to attend any holiday functions. Honor your feelings. You can play sad songs, journal, make your favorite meal, read or watch TV and be alone. Sometimes that's the easiest way to get through the day. But remember, ask for help if needed; it's not ok to suffer in silence.

And remember, the next day is yours to conquer!

However you choose to experience your holiday or rituals, ensure they are welcoming, safe, and fun, especially for yourself!

 

 

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